Is my mother passive aggressive?

Question

I am trying to figure out what is wrong with the relationship between my mother and I. It's become exhausting trying to figure this out.

I’ll get excited about learning something new, whether ist’s politics or world events and such, but my mother is indifferent to it. I get the feeling that maybe she suspects I am taking a side that she disagrees with, but doesn't want to voice this.

If I say that I'd like to move to a different city and get a new job. Whichever I talk about more, she will then say, "You have to find a place first, or you have to find a job first." I’m 31 by the way. Typically this is just something I’d ignore. Am I looking too much into this? I'd like to be fair. When I ask her direct questions of her opinions about things, I can tell it makes her uncomfortable, she then skirts the issue. I believe she herself asks vague questions with agendas behind them and that I just want to communicate.

She likes Mothering, that's it, that's her life, literally. Her life is to pick out what we wear to church, and make sure we're happily married… in a church. To criticize and disagree with things we do, but indirectly. She's never wrong, yet "not perfect", not because she's wrong, but because nobody is perfect. She basically says things when it’s convenient. Forget about her saying anything positive or affirming. I wish she would encourage something, anything I liked but she is very stubborn and closed minded, to the point where all we can talk about is shopping, bluh!

I have tried to explain that I want to be her friend too. She lost her mother at a very young age. Something in life makes me feel like I need to mend things with her in order to feel confident throughout life. I realize confidence helps to resolve these types of situations, but I’m so afraid I will change her or hurt her feelings or be wrong myself. I’m wondering if she is passive aggressive, just plain narrow minded, or if I am just blowing things out of proportion. If anyone has read this far, thanks in advance for any advise you might have to give.

Answer 1

um, she's passive. that's kinda sad... tell her that u really want her advice on things and that u don't talk just to talk. be straight up with her.

Answer 2

She wants to be your not your friend .She's having a hard time with the loss of control over you & feels asense of loss, You answered your own question.