Is it too late for a 5yr old child to accept being adopted knowing...

Question

their biological parents are still around, even though they aren't helping in any way to support the child.

Answer 1

Some people never accept being adopted, no matter what the circumstances were.

A child at that age won't fully understand the situation yet, so it definitely isn't too late. A little information bit by bit as they become ready for it is really the best way to handle children of that age.

Answer 2

Can you perhaps just take over custody - be the custodial parents???

Children don't ask to be born to adults that can't grow up and do their job.

All children want is to be loved and cared for by the family they were born to.

If that can't happen - then severing those ties completely - is rather harsh for the child - as I said - the child has no say in it.

Adoption in the USA - means a new birth certificate being issued (false really - as it will most likely say that you gave birth to him - a lie) - and then his original birth cert will be locked away in a vault - forever. (in most US states)

Check with a lawyer - see what can be done.

Sadly = 'adoption' is seen as ownership of the child - when really - what needs to happen - is that someone takes charge of their well being - without blowing their reality to pieces.

The child will one day, most likely see that you have his best interests at heart - but he will probably still want some kind of contact - and unless his parents would actually harm him - some contact is what he needs. (better for emotional and psych health - to see and know those that you share a gene pool with)

I wish you the best.

Answer 3

No, it is not too late.  My child (who we are trying to adopt) is 6 1/2 and has been in the system most of his natural life.  The TPR / relinquishment was just completed this year and although he knows his natural parents and knows that they just can't take care of him, he is starting to understand the point of adoption.  He asked me last night what adoption was and I just said that this is when the judge gets to tell us that you get to live here forever and ever and you will no longer be a foster child.  He said, but I am not a foster child because you are the mommy that can take care of me because my real mommy can not.

Answer 4

It's important for the child to know that he/she is adopted, but also to realize that he/she is loved and cared for. He/she will probably have some resentment towards the biological parents, but that is understandable.  

Answer 5

Now is a good time to sit down with the child and describe to them in terms that a 5 year old can understand, how your family was put together, letting the child know that no matter who his or her biological parents are, you love him or her and you are the ones who will raise them and always be there no matter what.  if you wait until later you risk the child feeling betrayed by the people that love him/her most.  No one should have secrets about their own life kept from them.

Answer 6

If they aren't helping it may be best to move on at the time nothing can be done at that age, and if the urge comes for them to want to find their parents someday then they may find them.

Answer 7

We adopted our son when he was 8 years old. I think in time your Grandchild will accept being adopted, but you need to reassure him/her that even thought you are raising him, his parents still love him. They just are unable to care for him. Never speak about his parents in a negative way and encourage contact with the parents if at all possible.

Hopefully in time your daughter will realize your actions were FOR your Grandchild, not AGAINST her.  

Answer 8

its not too late it is too early

the child does not understand what is going on at that age

Answer 9

You're in such a tough situation. You're losing a child and saving your child's child. You are some strong people!

I think your grandchild will be grateful to be adopted by you and raised in a loving and fit home. Of course, at the age of five, she probably won't understand the predicament fully, but you should do your best to explain the situation to her in a way that's "dumbed down" (no better way to describe it?) to her level. As she gets older, she'll have questions, and probably some resentment towards her parents, but once she's grown and can look at how her life turned out, compared with what it could have been, she will be so thankful to you.

Definitely be as honest as you can with her. Little kids can really absorb a lot of information and will know if you're holding back and they're missing something.

I think what you're doing is very admirable.