How to deal with a bad temper??

Question

My Partner has a very violent temper at times, when he sees red nothing will stand in his way and there is no way to stop him when he is on this war path. His father was the same way and although he really doesnt want to turn out the same way he is on the same path. I love this guy to bits and i know sometimes when we get into an arguement i fuel his anger. But how can i help him control his anger?? He is training in cage fighting which at one time was starting to help get rid of his aggresion but just lately it is returning and our house is starting to show the effects!! :( Leaving this guy is NOT an option people can change and i believe in him i just need some help - and this guy wants to change as well!!

Answer 1

Leaving him is the answer here, but only until he finds the help he needs. He needs to do this himself and face his demons without interference. His training for 'cage-fighting' is not helping his problem but aggrivating it. Why does he have to train for cage-fighting?

If you stay with him, his anger will turn on you if he has not already done so. You do not want to become his victim, surely. Help him from a distance but I would not advise you to stay in his path until he sincerely seeks prof. help. Good luck..

Answer 2

My partner of 12 years had anger problems. We got good help from our GP. He attended some training courses about anger management

he also took up jogging which hepled.

Peolpe can change, but you need to keep yourself safe.

Good luck

Answer 3

Count to ten.

Answer 4

A previous answer follows: print, refer, or show him: If you can't deal with it by using one of the techniques, such as counting backwards from 20, to 1, (and prevent yourself from making yourself angry, in the first place) is important to express that anger appropriately, at the time, and to the person who caused it, if possible, or immediately afterwards. If not, maybe by walking away later, and bellowing your rage and/or frustration. In some situations, such as work, or school, it might be better to cover your mouth with a cupped hand, bandanna/handkerchief, or use the crook of your elbow, to muffle the sound. Some people find that it helps to journal those thoughts, and emotions soon afterwards.

Anger, which is repressed, rather than healthily expressed, tends to fester, and later may cause explosive fits of rage, or depression. It helps to have someone you can talk to. For more physically inclined people, a punching bag, or hitting your pillow, can be an effective release mechanism: visualise, as vividly as you can, that you are striking back at the cause of that anger. "But next time, when you get mad, just remember this quote: 'Those who anger you, conquer you.' It's basically saying that when you give someone the power to make you mad, or let it get to you, it's like they're controlling you.    

     When I realized that, it made me mad, so I try to control my anger and not let people see it. You can still control your anger without being walked all over. You just have to draw a line." Try saying to yourself, in your mind: "I am fire! I am ice!". Repeat for as long as it takes for you to calm down sufficiently. Anger management is addressed in much more detail than can be included here, in section 4, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris

Answer 5

Why doesn't he see a doctor for some anger management?

He might have issues bottled up from his past he needs to get rid of through medication and talk therapy.

If he is violent towards you you must leave him until he seeks help and is better, its no good for either of you.

Answer 6

You have to understand that you CANNOT change another person, loving them enough won't help.  I've been through this before.  The problem lies WITHIN HIM.   He is responsible for it and HE has to change it.  What you're doing is called enabling.  You need to distance yourself from him and give him the space to change for himself.  You really want a guy like this?  Why?  Have you considered that you deserve to be happy - not stuck with someone with anger issues?  And don't even say "If you don't stop it I'm leaving."  It never works.  

Answer 7

He needs a motivation to change the inside of him.

I know a lot of people changed after learn about our creator.

It takes time but it works the best.

He needs to be willing to study the Bible and you can't force him. Ask him if he is willing to start with asking for God's help in prayer and start to read Bible (start with Proverbs)and in time God will send him someone to help him to understand the Bible and cultivate the fruitage of spirit like mildness and long suffering and etc.

If the problem is the chemical imbalance of his brain, he needs to see a doctor and get some medications.

PS: You too need to learn to control your lips not to say things to push his button.