Sexual harassment, equal opportunity, equal harassment for everybody?

Question

Well this a response to a previous question on sexual harassment, and some of the answers went along the lines of “how would you feel to be treated like that?”, “you’re treating the person as a s*x object – dehumanizing them!!”. The simply truth is, as a guy I would like treated like that. Now what I’m getting at is single liners or double entendres, not workplace bullying, groping against another person’s will, false claims of rape or harassment etc…

Exbitit A:

A security at work who knows me well, asks me one day at work asks that I keep all the important documents in the bottom drawer so she can admire my perfectly formed @ss when I bend over to retrieve them.

I’d be happy with this situation, since it’s in a jovial manner, nothing threatening. But I don’t condone it when it’s threatening (i.e. she’s in a position of power and forces you to do it against your will, though when done in a light hearted way it can be fun), or tries to rape you with a strap-on etc…….

Do you agree that there’s a double standard here, or that more women should harass us..... You know…..To make things even?

Answer 1

wait your saying a woman is sexually harassing you .. come on we know it is the other way round. otherwise you wouldn't be complaining and be saying i'm in luck. lol.

Answer 2

What you have to understand is that sexual harassment is all based on how the person on the receiving end of the gestures, comments, or actions perceives it too be (male or female). Perception is the key in the whole ordeal. If you feel as though you're being harassed in receiving unwanted sexual advances by someone then it's your duty to bring it to the attention of the appropriate authorities. If you're enjoying it, then it's just a little fun between two consenting adults. It only becomes harassment when it's an unwanted or rejected advance that is physical, verbal, or emotionally sexual in nature (and is not accepted by the receiving party). If you like the idea of the woman making comments on your rear end, then so be it. If you don't, tell her, warn her, and if it continues tell someone and get the issue resolved.

Answer 3

To be honest I think most women make too much of a big deal of it all, what's a bit of harmless fun is made into something lewd! It's different if it does overstep the mark but I think women can be too oversensitive about it! But that's what happens when people are encouraged by a culture that believes in suing  for everything! It makes me sick!  

Answer 4

i think you have a hard time processing information that is vital

Answer 5

i agree with double standard

Answer 6

I would never sexually harass a man because I know how it feels to be sexually harassed myself.  However, given your example, the question would be is that really sexual harassment.  Personally, I don't see it as such because, as you stated, both people involved are doing it in a light, joking manner and neither are bothered by it.  Of course it would take a strong relationship prior to such comments (to ensure the person would not be upset).  But otherwise, if both parties don't mind, then its not sexual harassment.  Some people just want to classify everything and anything as sexual harassment even if its not so.

So sure, if you two are comfortable, make jokes.  But trust me, you don't want to be REALLY harassed.  Because it IS threatening, demeaning, and even terrifying at times.  Despite your "idea" of sexual harassment, the real thing is not light and jovial, and being a male or not, you don't want it to happen to you.

Answer 7

Harassment is wrong.  It makes for a hostile work environment, even when it is done in a jovial manner.  Women should not harass men to "make things even".  

Answer 8

*sigh* Sexual harassment is wonderful. Really. I LOVE being called "Babe" by a married man...it makes me feel soo comfortable. Especially when I meet his kids and have to think about how disrespectful he is to his family. Uh huh. It's great.

Answer 9

"The simply truth is, as a guy I would like treated like that."

Let's say a woman at work who looks like Joan Rivers comes into your office and puts her hands down your pants three times a day.

Does that sound enjoyable? Or how about someone who looks like d**k Cheney?

Answer 10

In my country only coward men assault woman. Are you coward? Yup, u r.

Answer 11

I think there is a dangerous assumption here, which is that all men enjoy being treated like s*x objects and that women aren't interested in s*x.

This is a huge generalization which completely generalizes sexual preference according to gender and obliterates sexual variance as well as any contextual references.

A woman may consider that certain behaviours on behalf of her husband in the home would be acceptable, yet would not tolerate them on behalf of her supervisor at work. It could be the same for some men who enjoy being dominated by their male or female partner, but do not wish to be dominated in a public sphere. Others may wish to be dominated in any sphere by anyone, but with certain limits.

These boundaries and limits vary for each individual. Because when you don't know a person you're unfamiliar with these boundaries, it makes sense to respect them and approach them gently at first and negociate those boundaries. This is generally known as the mating dance.

I would caution against such broad claims as the ones you are making here because they are indeed "getting at" workplace bullying. If you allow single liners or double entenders where do you draw the line? What about people who aren't comfortable with that, do they not have a right to be respected as well?

I don't think that condoning harrassment will even things out. It's a matter of respecting people's rights to be free from unwanted sexual approaches and not making assumptions about their boundaries.

I really don't mind my boyfriend making those kinds of comments at me or treating me as a s*x objects because we've negociated that boundary. But I would definitely be offended if a work colleague treated me that way because they are making huge assumptions about my boundaries and are assuming that their comments are welcome when they're not. For me, s*x has no place at work, and while I wouldn't mind getting to know a work colleague and having it lead to a sexual relationship, this needs to be negociated in a more respectful way than lewd comments. It has nothing to do with gender, and everything to do with the fact that when you don't know a person, you don't know their boundaries!

re: Exibit A - YOU draw that line at comments about your perfectly formed *** because that's within YOUR boundaries. What if this person simply assumed that it was within your boundaries to start inserting pencils into your @ss at work because they found it jovial and non-threatening?

The point is, we're all different and if there's no explicit agreement with a person, it's best to approach them diplomatically rather than assuming your advances are welcome.

Getting even doesn't make things even.