Question:

Read my poem please?

by  |  earlier

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Life After Death Give it to you how ever you want it

Breath for the moment your caught in a daze

Your leaving your people and village in amaze

You try to catch your breath as you think of hate

Your wishing for your people to come and relate

But every body is going on with they self

You breathe again as you look for help

Your heartbeat once then it stops to wait

You try to look for life knowing its to late..

Your heading to heaven that's the next step

I'm sorry to say but that's life after death

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  1. this is REALLY good :) i love it


  2. It's alright i don't get why you're sorry they are heading to heaven. Overall it is good but i think maybe a little more touching up is needed.

  3. Sorry, can't really tell what it is you are trying to say. You've lost me there.

  4. Lovely... a bit pessimistic... but, very good.

  5. Love it. 20 out of 10.

  6. Very nice. I love it!

  7. Is this a work in progress because it seems that there are still elements missing. What's the message in your poem?

  8. It's really good, but you might wanna separate the poem into stanzas - it would flow better, but u don't have to - it's just a suggestion! i'm not kidding - ur poem's rlyy good! the phrases tie in together! keep it up!

  9. Thats a brilliant poem!!!

    You should try to get it published!!! :D:D

    You've got some talent Well Done!

    I especially like the last 2 lines.

    You have a brilliant ending to it and is excellent.

    good luck with it. x

  10. Good idea. I like it

  11. Your poem is very confusing and conflicting.

  12. touching

    can you teach me how make such amazing poem like that?

    ( I'm Vietnamese)

  13. I like your poem, is very soul searching and goes down deep to the heart of existence of life

  14. A few spelling/grammar issues:

    1. Life After Death Give it to you how ever you want it

    Makes no sense.

    2. "your". (you're).

    3. Breath. (Breathe).

    4. "Amaze" is used in the wrong context. (Amazement).

    5. They self - Themselves.

    6. Heartbeat. (Heart beats).

    7. "its". (it's).

    I would start it with:

    "Life after death.

    Breathe for the moment...."

    That way you wrap the end up the same way it started.

    These are all just suggestions and minor corrections, you don't have to use them. Personally I quite liked the poem, but I prefer ones with good grammar :P
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