My daughter is addicted to Oxycontin- please help?

Question

She has been in and out of rehab, then to out-patient suboxene treatment centers. She has been told by the centers AND by us that she needs to attend meetings, and stay away from the people who are bad influences, but she wont. We want to help her- but we don't have the money to keep her in Dr. appts. ANd Suboxene- when she won't help herself. What should we do? And we cannot afford another rehab- the last one emptied our bank account.- $25,000!

Answer 1

Addiction is such a horrible disease..and sadly.,.until she is ready to change for herself..she won't. The best advice I can give you is to not be an enabler.Many loving parents,friends and other family members think that by excusing the related behavior that comes with addiction and being "understanding" that they are helping. It does not.It actually  encourages the behavior to continue.If it means not allowing her in your home while under the influence, or not taking phone calls when she is under the influence..thats just what you have to do.Set your boundries and stick to them.Initially she wil probably hate you for it and may well even try to make you feel guilty..but this is a VERY small price to pay, when  you consider tha the rest of her life is at stake here. I would also recommend that you attend an AL-ANON meeting yourself.This group is set out to adress the many issues loved ones of those suffering addiction face.Addiction affects everyone..not just the one who suffers from it. I say this as a recovering alcoholic...I had to lose everything before I finally realized what addiction had taken away.In program (AA or NA) they call this "hitting bottom" My family shut doors in my face..cut off phones calls, refused to give me money..and at the time, I swore they hated me.The reality was they did it because they loved me.Today I thank them and can finally appreciate the true sacrifices they made in doing those things I once viewed as "mean" and "hateful"

Answer 2

You can't help her until she wants the help. Old cliche, but very true.

Answer 3

Trying to help someone who refuses to help themselves is frustrating and expensive, but ultimately, if she's not willing to make a change in her life for the better, there is nothing you can do to make her. She needs to want to get better- you can't do it for her. Explain to her that she is hurting herself and those around her that love her but that you cannot support her if she isn't going to help herself. Its terrible and as a parent I know you never want to cut a child off but if their choices begin to affect your mental health and your finances, you need to serious decide which is better: letting your child learn to fend for herself or going down in flames with her? For some people, hitting rock bottom is the only wakeup call. Good luck.

Answer 4

sorry to tell you this but when you have exhausted every means of help then it's time to cut her off. i understand that she is your family but at some point you helping her is going to make it worse. give her an ultimatum/intervention. enough is enough. i feel for you. i have had a family member go through alcohol addiction. this will not be easy for you.

Answer 5

You have to get tough and just draw the line for her. You have to tell her that if she keeps doing drugs, you cannot and will not stick around to watch her destroy herself, then stop helping her. Stop giving her money or time for anything but treatment. You don't want to hear from her unless it's about treatment.

I'm a mom, so I know how hard this is. But i'm also a former addict to these pills (and many others) for over 10 years, and the only thing that made me go clean was when my family 'washed their hands' of me. I realized then that things had to change. I didn't have enough money for rehab, so I had to do it on my own.

If I did it after 10 yrs of addiction (I mean, pain pills, xanax, anything narcotic I could get. I was shooting them up too) she can too. She just needs you to draw the line for her. Make her hit bottom before she hits it herself. A lot of 'bottoms' are death.

Email me and I will tell you all I know if you wish.

Answer 6

you should threaten to take away every thing that really matters to her like if she lives with you, or if you pay for things, like drugs.. and if she doesnt start going to meetings and whatever else you want her to do, you have to take control of her, and actually do it.

Answer 7

I am a survivor of prescription drug addiction. In most cases the person has to hit what is called rock bottom.  Unfortunately family and friends become enablers in trying to help the one that is so much loved and go through great lengths to "help". I did not have to steal, I did not lose my job. I lost my family.  I took the drug to take away the pain.  While in rehab I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder.  I am not saying  that your loved one has mental illness but another alternative to this is psychotherapy .  I have been in the medical field and remember when Methadone was used to help opioid addiction and is used to this day along with other therapeutic modalities. Try an MHMR clinic.  It is a start if your insurance no longer carries her or they can direct you to other treatment centers that take her as an outpatient.  E-mail me if you wish.  

Answer 8

Depending on the level of harshness you feel like imposing- you could call the cops while you know she's using, and they could take her to jail. That would be one lesson which would probably lead to mandatory 12 step program, and if not jail time. Or it could just land her in jail, but she would still benefit from less drugs in jail.

I'm sure there are some free programs she can attend. You should find out from the centers.  

Answer 9

Sad to say this but - if she doesn't help herself then no one can.  Call your local AA or NA and see if a sponsor can come visit her if she won't go to them. If that doesn't work then it's time you stop enabling her by trying to force help on her.  Time to get tough mom.