Having a Hard time dating a COP...

Question

Im having a really hard time dating a cop

hes always so busy and always expects me to be 'UNDERSTANDING' which i ammmmmmmmmmm but sometimes i feel so neglected

how do i get him to understand??

is it even worth it??

he doesnt give me the time and attention i want and need but he says he really really cares for me and we were friends for 5 yrs before we made it official...

and i dont know what to do

i wanna break it off, buh im scared to lose him

i just dont know what to do!

if theres any cops that can answer??!

Answer 1

You need to ask yourself if he is worth it.  

Answer 2

has he started beating you yet?

Answer 3

I think each cop is different and it also depends on the city he works in.

I have a very good friend that is married to a cop (which is my friend also) and most days he finds time to be with her and seems to give her all the attention she wants. There will be days when you might see him very little if any at all.

Answer 4

I don't know answer you expect. When you date an officer, you have to understand that overtime, night shifts, working holidays, weekends, getting called in the middle of night, being on call and getting called during dinner, ect are all part of life.

What does he need to understand? Maybe you are neglected, but what do you expect him to do? Being busy is just part of the job. Rarely do a work only 40 hours I week...while, I usually only put in 42-44 hours, there have been more times than I can count where I have done 50-60 hour weeks and after working 10 days straight, I do want some alone time.

Luckily, I married a dispatcher who goes through similar things and understands.

If you want to break it off, break it off. He is who he is and he is more than likely going to choose his career over you. I don't know what to tell you, if you are co-dependant, you probably should not be dating someone in public safety.

Answer 5

As you can see from the above answers, this is the life style he has chosen. Now you need to choose. Would you be better off with or with out him? Then act accordingly to what you decide.

Answer 6

You already know your answer - as a lifelong commitment, this relationship isn't going to work.  Your job now is to get it back to just being friends. If he's smart enough to be a cop, then he probably already knows this isn't working too.  Why don't you try a non-confrontational conversation that starts with something like "Hon, I really care for you but I'm thinking we make better friends than lovers.  Do you think we can just count this as a lesson learned and go back to being really good friends?"  Good luck.

Answer 7

You have to know what you want and expect.  If you are 5 years on this is a crossroads for you.  You must be intimately familiar with his hours, duties and accountability.  Transpose this with a medical doctor in residency and you would get the picture.  The next time you are with him, tell him what's on your mind.  Cops are a curious bunch.  One thing for sure, you know that he is an outstanding citizen and and has no criminal past.  Be supportive, has he been promoted in the meantime?

Answer 8

Make a decision! You think 3,000,000 people on the internet are going to make this decision for you? It does not matter if he is a baker, plumber, cop, or mayor. If he's the one, go get him, and stop whining.

Answer 9

If you are NOT happy now it's NOT going to get any BETTER when you get married. It will probably get worse. Cops are married to their jobs and the wives come second. I think you are better off finding a man who can give you more of what you need emotionally. A man who isn't a cop. Remember job always seems to come first for MOST cops.

You aren't the problem, his job is. Unless you are welling to be second in his life go ahead and get married to him. You will be unhappily married. Take time and figure out what you really want from this relationship. It really does sound like you care for each other but sometimes a person's profession can bring down a relationship. Look at all the Red Flags. You know you have sensed those red flags. Don't ignore what is best for you!    

Answer 10

you need to figure out why he's not giving you the time you think you deserve.  is it because he's stuck at work trying to finish a report, or because he's taking some deadbeat to jail.  or because 10 minutes before his shift ended, there was a huge car accident.  or, is it because he would rather be at home most of the time rather than with you, or with his buddies.  and - even if he's working late, understand that that's just the nature of being a cop.

my husband (a cop) and I have had to cut date night short because he gets called in, or dinner has to get cold because he won't be home when he said he would.  but that's something i've grown to understand and, unfortunately, expect.  however, if you don't think you can handle it, then don't try. dating (and being married to) a cop is difficult and you need to figure out of you can tolerate you not always being the first prioroty.  I know my husband would rather be with me, but sometimes, he just can't    I love my husband and I'm proud of him every day (even if I'm eating dinner or going to bed alone).

Answer 11

Question is...how does he get YOU to understand?

A cop's job isn't like selling cars or making widgets. Hours of boredom followed by seconds of terror. You never know when you won't be coming home that night. Highest rate of alcoholism, divorce, suicide. Rotating shifts, long hours, getting called in in the middle of the night to answer calls after tornados.

Yeah, I think it's YOU that needs to understand.

Answer 12

Being a police officer is one of the most stressful jobs there is.

It takes a very understanding person to date or marry an officer.

Many times, without wanting to, the officer will bring home all the stress and frustration of his job.

My wife is the daughter of an officer, so she knows the stress levels involved. She is also a cardiac nurse, with her own high stress job.

To this, add that I have been an officer for 27 years.  LOTS of stress everywhere!  That's why we really enjoy our time off together, whether it is a long weekend or a real vacation.

You need to try to understand his stress and his frustration.  Sit down with him and talk it out. Explain your feelings.  But don't give him an "either/or", or you might be the one left out.   Good luck.