Foster and kids adopted from state, Bad Kids?

Question

Why is it that people stereotypically think that kids who are removed from homes because of bad circumstances, are bad kids?

Answer 1

im in that same situation and im not a bad kid but people tend to believe that. but they are just looking at the outside apperance. and they need to take the time and go just a little deeper!

Answer 2

I was 13 when I was given up for foster care which automatically gave me the stigmata for being a "bad seed". I had a huge heart

but after having it broke many times, I became very withdrawn. It's a hard thing for a child to realize that they don't have the security and love in their lives that other children do. You become very aware that some people will judge you and look down on you because of your chaotic upbringing. That can lead to frustration and bitterness, which can further fuel being perceived  as a "bad seed". It's hard being a foster kid but if you can  keep your chin up and learn to love yourself, it's a great obstacle to overcome. Which in return can make you  smarter and stronger in the end.

Answer 3

I am going to say that its bc they dont really know the kids. I for  a fact that all kids that are in the "system" when they are older arent bad or turn out bad. I was threeteen when I was adopted, yes I had some problems but I GOT OVER THEM!!!!! You can over come what ever your problems are. For people to say oh they are bad and are always going to be bad isnt true. My brother was the same way and he didnt turn out that way. So, to me its bc people want to say they are so they dont have to worry about adopting them. There are many kids out there that are adults now that were though of being bad and all that and have made there lives better.  I think its something people need to get over and maybe give them a chance in life.

Answer 4

My grandchildren were placed in state custody. I became their foster mother and when they were available for adoption, I adopted them. They are very good kids.

But to answer your question, I believe that the reason for the stereotype is the bad press. A lot of these children come from bad situations and have not had a lot of good influences. Therefore, some of these children have not learned right from wrong. Some of these children were born to drug addicted mothers and often have behavior issues. These are the ones that you see on the news. But there are a lot of foster children who are good and go on to do good things. I believe that it is also the reason that people go overseas to adopt children from other countries. Somehow they mistakenly believe that international children come with better behavior. Strange, huh?

Answer 5

Like everyone else has said, it's not that they're "bad" kids, it's just that many of them, most of them, have emotional problems that often manifest as behavioral dissorders.  The majority of these kids have either experienced an extrely traumatic loss (both parents dying, no other relatives alive after they were old enough to truly know their parents) or abuse, or even both.  Even abused kids often don't WANT to be taken from their parents, at least not at first.  

That much stress would kill any child unless they find an outlet.  A few manage to find healthy outlets like art, drama, or hard work at some skill (school, a sport, a hobby).  Children who can be gotten into stable homes quickly can often recover.  However, much of the time, that stress causes the child to act up and lash out at the world around them.  They, like all children, need love and reassurance, and are often running on empty where that is concerned.  They often have a difficult time trusting anyone, and act out of fear.  You've seen primates in the zoo beating their chests and snapping at others while their hair stands on end.  Well, human beings are still primates.  If they feel threatened, they're going to get deffensive, and one of the best defenses is to scare others off.  Of course, this can cause problems, because if they scare everyone off, they can never get the love and attention they need to heal.  

In short, Foster Kids aren't bad kids...  just needy ones.  Anyone who really wants to adopt should be ready for that.  If you really have love in your heart that you want to give out, those are the kids who can really use it.

Answer 6

DH and I are currently in the process of adopting through children's services and the foster care system.  We have been trying for two years.  Some of the bio's are nightmares.  What some of these children have been through, they have a lifetime of problems ahead of them.  I don't feel the children are at fault, but I'm not prepared to deal with their issues.  I want to take them all and give them a safe home and love them, but can't.  I'm not sure how to deal with sexually abused children, fire starters, animal abusers, etc.  

I wouldn't call them "Bad", but unfortunately they are effected by their former circumstances.

Answer 7

While I was growing up my parents took care of children that were taken from their parents. Some of them had problems and some didn't. Not all their problems were because they were taken away. Some had medical issues and others had mental issues. Some were just plain starved for attention. Then there was the ones that had no problems. Alot of it depends on just how bad there conditions at home were. Most with a lot of love and some patience are able to overcome these feelings. I'm thankful for people who take foster children. Cause if my parents wouldn't have they never would have adopted me.

Answer 8

Well, I don't think of older children in foster care as bad kids at all.  It is the reality, however, that many of them have had very rough lives.  Something, in the least, had to be pretty unsettled in their biological families for them to be removed from them, and they have often had multiple placements.  This does not make them "bad" kids.  It does make them kids that need a very stable family who can really offer them the attention and help they need in their lives.  That is what they deserve, and it sounds like that is what you offer them.  That is wonderful.  When people talk to me about older child adoption or older child fostering, I am often conflicted.  On the one hand, these children really need a home, so I don't want to say something to discourage people who want to offer that.  On the other hand, I think many people want to adopt or foster older children without really understanding their needs, and I feel a certain responsibility to try to educate and give them resourses about the possible needs these children might have, and I hope that they are willing to meet them and more educated and prepared to meet them.  

Great resourse:  "Parenting the Hurt Child" by Gregory Keck and Regina M. Kupecky

Answer 9

I think foster kids get a very bad rap. They are not bad kids at all.  I think for many, their only flaw is that they are not infants.

It's very sad.  There are so many children out there that just want to be given a chance at a loving, stable home.

Answer 10

Because, as your first answer suggests, they think kids with problems, "messed-up" kids, are necessarily "bad."  

Probably all foster kids, no matter what environment they came from, have some issues with things like love and trust that natural kids never face.  But that doesn't make them "bad" or tainted by what their natural parents did or failed to do.

I think people who choose to foster kids with problems, whatever the problem (having been abused, or having been shuffled around so much they find it hard to trust anyone, or having special needs) are doing a great thing.  But they need to go into it open-eyed, and not expect the kids to behave as if nothing had ever happened to them.

The public, those who have no experience with foster kids, may judge them as well as thier caretakers by the horror stories they see on TV, either of the foster kids that are horribly abused in their new families or the ones that do horrible things to their new families.  

Finally, people who have experience with people who were fostered til 18 and then pretty much left to fend for themselves by an uncaring system may blame the kids for their fate.  A lot of them end up in jail.  It isn't because they're "bad," it's because we as a society don't serve their needs.

Answer 11

when this subject some up on this board and others, i've read people make comments like:

'children are in foster care because of neglect or abuse'

'minority kids are most likely in foster care because of drug-use'

i often wondered if anything were to happen to me and my husband and my children were in foster care, would people automatically think of them as "special needs, and from an abusive home?"  

it's the same stereotypes that drives fears about terrorism, crime, et. al

it's infuriating and sad. thanks for asking this question.

ETA: valerie..you go girl.... my "little sister" was a foster child who is now colleged educated, a mother, and living out her dreams in NYC!  you can do it... don't let a bunch of stats and other mumble-jumble written by people who never left their cozy suburb dictate your life's path...

Answer 12

well i had two foster children along with my own two and many foster children graduated from high school and still going on with college so you are right people are just ignorant today they think with there feet not the brains they always assume the worst so there really isn't no positive anser no more then people need to walk in some of these foster kids shoes !

Answer 13

Personally, I don't think they are "bad" kids but I can see how these kids would be emotionally damaged.  If they are being removed from the home, there's no telling what they've had to live with for how many years.....abuse, negligent parents, parents that do drugs, fighting, etc.  So, when they do finally come into a stable, normal home, I'm sure they sometimes have a hard time adjusting.  To me, they are HURT kids who need alot of love and stability and someone who's tough enough to see them through this rough patch.  I commend you for being that kind of person to them.  I'm not sure I could do it.  I have alot of respect for those who can!

Answer 14

I agree that this is a stereotype.  

We adopted two kids through the foster care system.  Both are globally delayed because they were born addicted to the drugs taken by their mother while pregnant.  Our older son particularly had problems when we first got him because he had also been neglected by his birth family.  However, I would never define them as 'bad' kids.  They are delayed, but they are normal kids, and are catching up more and more every day.  I truely believe they will only bring joy to our lives.

When we began the process, we had many people, friends and family, tried to dissuade us from adopting through the foster care system.  They wanted us to go private or even adopt from overseas.  They were concerned that the kids in the foster care system were all "damaged".  However, all of these people have come around and all now love our sons as much as we do.  I believe if people knew that many of these kids really just need a stable and loving home, and a little understanding, then many more of them would be adopted.

Answer 15

I have two foster kids, and they have so many problems it's not funny!

Kids that go into the foster care program are there becuase the parents messed up some how, so in turn they mess up the kids.

Sorry but most children that enter the system have some sort of emotional, or other types of behavior problems.

Sometimes the foster program works and counceling, medications and other factors can assist the children, but you have to get the program to co-operate with you in order to do that.

I have found that the case workers and people involved in the process here where I live make it twice as hard to benefit the kids.

We have had two foster kids for a year in a half, and we have to fight the system tooth and nail every step of the way for them, we have gotten to the pont of throwing the towel!