Do you regret having married?

Question

I am 27 weeks pregnant and have been unraveling the financial disaster my husband created for us without my knowledge. He has lied as well as hidden things from me. Now 90 days before my due date I am stuck unraveling a nightmare - NOT MINE. He knew how I was budgeting, etc. and never even brought up a bunch of bills he wasn't taking care of and credit card bills he was running up.

The funny thing is - we are PROFESSIONALS yet everything is a disaster. Yeah, we will be better soon but I am having to now scrape money together on short notice to even get a maternity leave.

I am so angry that I feel hate for him. This is supposed to be a happy time for me and instead I am miserable. I am not sure if I will ever be able to even look him in the face without feeling disgust.

Answer 1

I regretted marrying my first husband, but not my second.  My first husband was like yours: completely irresponsible and totally selfish. I'm sorry that your husband's stupidity has ruined a time in your life that should be the happiest for you.  I don't blame you for regretting marrying him right now.  Hopefully he'll pay his debt and work hard to win your trust back, so that when your baby arrives, you both are getting along much better.  Try to focus on more pleasant things and being as calm as you can for now.  It's not good for your baby to be inside a mommy that's all stressed out and upset.  

Answer 2

To answer your first question, no, I don't regret marrying my husband.

To answer your dilemma: Your husband has acted childishly by hiding the bills from you and lying to you about it. Now that everything is out in the open, decide what to do about it. You both need to speak with a financial counselor, and he needs to pay the bills he racked up, not you.

You have every right to be angry with him because of his actions, because that's what you really hate, his actions, not him. He has disappointed you in more ways than one, and has not owned up to his part in this fiasco. Don't divorce him over this, because, as the first answerer said, you will inherit 50% of his debt, and will be responsible for it.

As for you, you don't need this drama. Since you are so far along in your pregnancy, you need to take care of yourself. My advice would be, after speaking with the financial counselor, hand all of those bills over to him, and he is responsible for paying them. If he doesn't, and the bill collectors start calling, they are to speak with him, not you. This is his mess, and he has to clean it up. You concentrate on you, your baby and your well-being. If he should even dare to ask you to pay a bill that he's responsible for, refuse him, every time. This will make him stand up and be a man, and he will grow up.

When you see that he has made some effort in paying them, encourage him to keep going, tell him he's doing a great job, but don't pay anything! You take care of your household bills, and that baby when he/she comes. Good luck, and congratulations on the baby.

Answer 3

no.

Answer 4

some people make mistakes and I know it is hard but as a wife it is your job to help and support him! Stop thinking it is all about you! no one is perfect! and maybe he hid some things from you because he did not want you to get upset! I know it is so hard on you cause you are having a baby but don't take it out on your husband try to work things out.

Answer 5

Wow thats pretty terrible. Why would he lie to you or hide things? I can understand they way you must feel especially being pregnant and all. Does he feel remorseful? Was he just afraid you would flip your lid if he told you? The lying part is the worst because if he'll lie about that he'll lie about other things. I personally don't regret being married to my husband, he's excellent with money and makes a lot of it so that will never be an issue. There are always other issues though, no one is perfect. Good luck, just try to get out of this bind you are in and don't get too upset, the baby feels those emotions you know. Take care.

Answer 6

Yes I do.

And I stayed for years after discovering my h lied to me from the beginning of the marriage. It is not your fault that you believed in someone you thought respected the words trust and cherish and all the vows said to each other. Try to get calmer because your anger will upset your baby invitro. Work on finding out what you can and decide then head toward the goal of whether you can live with him as a spouse or will he need to get visitaion rights for his child?

Answer 7

Sounds like you married the wrong guy. If he really loves you he wouldn't be keeping things from you.

Answer 8

it's FIFTY PERCENT YOUR PROBLEM so lets not place blame... cuz if you divorce, you inherit 50% of the debt