Do you like this paragraph? Is the flow good?

Question

In his arms, Lanae could feel the motions in Davit as he unveiled his wings and spread them out. Her heart nearly stopped when he began to beat them. Slowly at first and then steadily faster as they began to leave the ground. She closed her eyes tight, not wanting to see what happened next. His grip tightened and she opened her eyes. They were well above the forest. An audible gasp escaped as she prepared for the worst. His grip remained, he did not drop her. Once again she felt his gaze upon her.

Answer 1

     It's excellent.  One little thing that bothers me;  they're flying through the air above the forest - and he has his eyes on her.  It's probably me being an idiot, but somehow that doesn't ring quite right.  Apart from that, the spelling's fine, and it's beautifully written.  You certainly have a talent that should be pursued.  Well done

Good luck

Mike B

Answer 2

Um....you could have described that exact same situation in two sentences. Youir version is wordy and kind of dull.

Also, the first sentence doesn't flow well. The second sentence doesn't make sense. The scond to last sentence is grammatically incorrect.

Think about editing the paragraph.

Edit: Jenna C either didn't read the paragraph, has never read a decent book, or just wants you to give her ten points. The flow is NOT perfect, and the vocabulary is, at best, average. I'm sorry, but I'm giving you the truth. You need to edit. This is not an amazing paragraph.

Answer 3

I like it, but you should quicken the pace of it. It felt like it was going a bit too slow.

Answer 4

COOL!  you should write more, it was really interesting =] funky names lol

Answer 5

OMG THIS IS AMAZING!!! If you wrote this, you are amazing I am not even exaggerating at all.  The flow is perfect and the language and vocabulary is at a really high level.  you should be really proud of yourself. kudos to you! if you wrote a book I would most def buy it ( : So to answer your question 1. I LOVED it and 2. PREFECTO!!!  (like seriously it gave me chills)