Do You like this poem I wrote?

Question

'MY SON'

WHERE WILL YOUR LIFE TAKE YOU

WHAT WILL YOU BECOME

I HOPE YOU'LL NEVER FORGET THE ONES WHO CALLED YOU SON

I WANT TO BE BESIDE YOU ALWAYS

TO SEE HOW MUCH YOU'LL GROW

I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU THE FUTURE

AND ALL THE THINGS YOU'LL KNOW

BUT THIS IS NOT TO BE

AS MUCH I WISH IT SO

ONE DAY I WILL LEAVE YOU

ONE DAY I'LL HAVE TO GO

THIS IS HOW LIFE WORKS

ITS IN THE GRAND DESIGN

WE HAVE MANY THINGS TO CHERISH

BUT THE DEAREST OF THESE IS TIME

SO LET ME KISS YOUR CHEEK

AND HOLD YOU CLOSE TO ME

FOR THE LOVE I FEEL FOR YOU

WILL BEAT ETERNITY

REMEMBER HOW I LOVED YOU

YOUR SMILE LIT UP MY DAY

THOUGH MY BODY MAY BE GONE

MY LOVE WILL NEVER GO AWAY

YOU WERE AND ARE STILL CHERISHED

THE VERY ESSENCE OF MY SOUL

LIFE MAY HAVE MADE ME HUMAN

BUT IT WAS YOU WHO MADE ME WHOLE

Answer 1

It was overall, a good poem.  I would change "My love will never go away" to "My love is here to stay", but that is just my opinion.

Otherwise, it flows pretty good, and the emotion is there.

Answer 2

It's beautiful: True, sad, touching, full of reality. It made me stop and think about things for a miniute, almost brought tears to my eyes. Did you make this for a special occasion? I love it, you have a lot of talent. You obviously really love your son. I wish my parents loved me that way.

Answer 3

This is a good emotional poem, I really like it! I wish I could make poems, but creative writting are one of my weaknesess.

Answer 4

Alright, I have to say, it's a good poem.  8.5/10.  The rhythm flows well for the most part, though it teeters on awkward-sounding in some parts (especially the fourth stanza - if you say it out loud you'll know what I mean; try "best" instead of "dearest").  I also love the third and last lines ("it was you who made me whole"!), and the phrase "the grand design".  It reminds me of something you'd see in a Hallmark card, in a good way, and it really is very touching and clear and real.  It reminds me of an angel looking over their child; it's very pure that way.

Just, next time, don't post this poem in capital letters.  It's very overwhelming and distracting and it feels like someone is yelling at you, and I don't think that's what you're going for at all, especially with this poem.  Careful capitalization and punctuation, among other things, play great parts in conveying imagery in a poem, and I just do not see it working here at all.  But, of course, that is being a bit nitpicky - that can easily be changed!

Overall a great work!

Cheers!  [-:

Answer 5

Being a fellow poet myself, I would have to say your poem is very good!!

Answer 6

Yes I like it and I would be glad to use it in a letter to my daughter before the next stage. LOVE IT.

had caps on who cares its all in the words, not how you present but what you say.

regards Big bad Wolf.

Answer 7

its decent but i would suggest you pick an ababcdcd... type ryme scheme and not  write it in all caps. also i would say add  more to the middle part so you can really connect to your audience