Adoptive parents: Would you still have adopted knowing that your child could be "adopted back"?

Question

Curious about this as adoption is advertised as creating "Forever Families." However, in many places, adult adoptees can be "adopted-back" by their natural parents if they so choose. Would you still have adopted if you had known this? or would you still adopt if you have not adopted already?

Answer 1

I actually have had 4 friends PERSONALLY do this. As soon as they were 18 they all were "adopted back". Two of them were sisters. For the families involved here, it caused alot of heartache. They had raised them for years and then they just leave.

I personally couldn't do it. I just couldn't spend that much time with someone and watch them grow up just to have them leave.

Answer 2

This doesn't make any difference.  Once the child is an adult, they are free to do whatever they want.  I would hope that they would still view us as their family and that we still have a loving relationship, but I am not going to NOT adopt because a few people have done this.

Answer 3

Definitely!  I love both of my boys and have confidence that our relationship as a family will continue to grow stronger as they grow.  This doesn't mean that they don't or can't also love their natural parents and I will support them in any way they wish to express that love.  If a child chooses not to be part of your life as an adult, I really don't think adoption has anything to do with it.  A poor relationship with the parents (regardless of fault) is the cause.

It is a fact of life that adoptees have two sets of parents, the ones who gave them life and the ones who raise them, why can't they love them both?

Answer 4

actully, once the kids adopted they can never be adopted back. i know, because i was adopted.

Answer 5

Sure, I still had a bio kid too even tough she could be adopted as an adult. If He he felt thats what he needs to do, then I would support him.

Answer 6

Jenny T: Please don't speak on behalf on all the adoptees here.

Not all of them resent their families. In fact, from what I've read, most of them love their adoptive families very much.

That said, I would love to return to my birth country and stay for a little while like a "real" member of the family - living like I would have done if I had been raised there.

Maybe if I became fluent I would consider legalizing my original name, but for now I just use my original given name instead of my entire original name.

Answer 7

Sometimes, young adults who are just pulling out of the "terrible teens" are at odds with their parents--both biological and adopted.   I could see a young person who is trying to find themselves or struggling for independence from their parents or even in a vindictive act toward their parents wanting to be "adopted back" if they are estranged from their adoptive parents.   I would find it odd if a 30 year old would want to be "adopted back" unless they are still battling with adolescent attitudes.  Usually people grow up.

It's hard answer that question because it is theoretical.  It's like asking any parent--biological or adoptive-- would you have become a parent if you knew your child would grow up and commit murder or another terrible crime.  

To answer your question:  NO, I would not change the choice that I made.  I would still adopt and just be the best parent that I could be.  No one can see the future.  There are no guarantees in this life about how a child that you are raising will "turn out".  You do the best you can do and that's all you can do.

Answer 8

YES.

Answer 9

Yes, with out a doubt.

Answer 10

Yes, absolutely.  Matter of fact, I have NO problem with disrupting the adoption, if my child would prefer it that way, prior to their 18th birthday so that they can gain back the identity they had at their birth.  (In my state, we have open records, but if I were in an open records state, I would talk to my child at the age of 16-17 to see if s/he would want the adoption disrupted so that s/he could have unfettered access to his/her records.)

Children are people, not posessions.  I'm not adopting a child so that s/he can meet my needs.  I plan to support my child(ren) in their autonomy, even if that means leaving me in their dust.  I repeat, they are human beings.  Really, adoptees are capable of deciding who they want in their lives, and what kind of relationship (legal and otherwise) they would like to have with each and every person in their lives...including all four of their parents.

(Also, just because an adoptee is "adopted back", that doesn't necessarily mean they're choosing NOT to have a relationship with their adoptive parents.  They might just want to create their OWN identity, now that they have the ability to make their own choices.  I know of one adoptee who was adopted back, but still has a tremendous amount of love and admiration for her adoptive mother.  It's a piece of paper...not a relationship.)

Answer 11

Yes. When a child becomes an adult, you have already done your part in raising them. If they want to be adopted back to their birth family, that is fine but it doesn't take away our connection or family. It similar to your own birth child growing up, getting married and having their own family. They are adults now and can make their own decisions, but you will always see them as your babies, your children.

Answer 12

It depends.  If the child is older, say 14 or up,  I might look at the situation differently and be emotionally better able to handle it if the birth parents were able to come in and care for the child again even though I loved the child myself.  In those cases, I think the older kids have some kind of bond/tie with their families but are separated from them for parental poor performance.  It would be hurtful, but I think to see a family get back together would be good.  On the other hand, if I were adopting a younger child- say from infant, toddler to early years, I would have in effect raise that child as my own.  I would have severe difficulties with a family stepping in then and saying they wanted their child back, especially when the child has bonded in their early years with me.

Answer 13

it would be so hard to give up a child you have learned to love, you have to think about who gave them the best years of their lives... they will love you for that... a place in their heart , you lay....i would do it

Answer 14

yes. once a child reaches adulthood you can't make their decisions for them.

Answer 15

If i was to adopt I would let that child know as soon as they were old enough and mature enough to understand it all. A person has the right to know where they came from. And if at anytime that child wanted to find his/her biological parents then i would be right by their side the whole time. Its the child that is the one that is most important at the end of the day and I wouldnt want to stop the child from doing as he/she wanted just to protect my feelings.

Answer 16

No i wouldn't have. It would break my heart.

P.S- I will get loads of thumbs down but i don't care a &%$#

Answer 17

What someone chooses to do as an adult is their own business.  I would hope my child would not wish to be "adopted back" when they were of age but I would not think there was any more risk of that taking place then of my natural child choosing to estrange herself from me when she became an adult.

Answer 18

Any adult can choose to be adopted by someone else if they wish. It's not only an option for those who were adopted.

This fact does not seem to keep people from raising children, and seems a silly thing to worry about.

We and his first parents are trying to ensure he has a wonderful life full of love from all of us. If he chooses to have one or both of them adopt him back as an adult, then he chooses to do so. It wouldn't affect my love for him, nor erase his past...just as our adopting him didn't erase his first parents love for him or his past.

Answer 19

Many adoptive children will someday go looking for their "real parents", and many adoptive children resent the fact they were adopted; they resent the parents who adopted them. Knowing this, my husband and I decided against adoption. We even decided against adopting a special needs child. We don't want to spend years parenting a child, giving them lots of love and a good home - and then have that child reject us some day and claim we are not the "real parents". The fact is, no one is obligated to adopt.